All I want to do is drink beer and train like an animal.
- Rod Dixon

I'm feeling rough. I'm feeling raw. I'm in the prime of my life.

The Word On The Street: Ryan's Phallus of Knowledge

Ryan is a pretty funny guy. As near as I can tell his brain sometimes points at random things, fires, and outputs directly to the mouth. In the last year and a half that I've known him he's gone off on memorable tangents about unicorns, pooping, sharks, purple drink, pedophiles, Maryland Terps, fat people, Tyler Perry (several times), How I Met Your Mother, the US flag, pooping, Hollywood, watching hot chicks doing yoga and not talking to them, Micheal Phelps and pooping.

Last night Ryan was once again in fine form.

"Guys ... we're running - right now. Running. Just stop and think about that. Think about that existentially for a minute. Running, it's our sport.

That moment of slightly confusing zen was followed by something similar about the American flag which somehow ended in Ryan yelling:

"DAMN IT ARJUN. I'm going to go deep on YOU with my phallus of knowledge into your ass of ignorance."

And to top it off ryan closed the run with:

"Damn. Are we almost done yet? I've got to drop some knowledge from my ass of ignorance"

Thus, using his ass as a metaphor for intelligence which he then later used as a metaphor for his real ass (read it again if you have to). But is Ryan's ass still a metaphor if it's just a metaphor for itself?

Stop and think about that for a minute. Existentially.

Days like this are why I run.


  1. i feel the need to make a slight correction to the record. not to take anything away from ryan's incredible monologue last night (what about the commercial featuring my ass - and the way too long discussion of who would play my ass - ryan finally decided on J Lo) i coined the term "ass of ignorance". remember, i am "the ass man".

    by the way that picture of ryan is really scary - he kind of looks like the "my precious" guy from ring movies.

  2. Ha!

    I actually thought of another great existential thought today but didn't write it down and, after being hypnotized by Disney's "Ice Princess" I forgot what it was.

    TYLER PERRY IS NOT FUNNY! It is not funny to see grown men dress as superhuge grandmothers, unless that grandmother can also dunk a basketball.

  3. Whoops - I meant Katy Perry the "singer" not Tyler Perry. I also thought Tyler Perry was the guitar player from Aerosmith - it turns out that's Joe Perry.

    How confusing.

  4. I need to move back to Baltimore.

  5. Other famous Perrys:

    Perry Mason
    Perry Como
    Dr. Perry Cox