All I want to do is drink beer and train like an animal.
- Rod Dixon

I'm feeling rough. I'm feeling raw. I'm in the prime of my life.

The Word On The Street: Kris's Birthday Edition

This Monday the venerable Kris Simms turned 37. He has his good days and his bad days now but for the most part he's still with it and we're glad to have him. He bounced back from his organ failure earlier this yer much better than anyone expected (the appendix is an organ right?). Kris, you're the coolest almost-old guy we know. Happy Birthday.

(circa 1995)

But true feelings aside, we love to rip on Kris for being old as Moses. As Kris pointed out this week, no one loves making fun of an old guy as much as the 2nd oldest guy. In our group that honor goes to Ben who leads the chase pack of not-so-old guys. Like George Hincape chasing Boonen at Paris-Roubaix last weekend, Ben is right there getting older and older but can never quite bridge the gap up to the leaders. Yes Kris, in this analogy you get to be Tom Boonen but it's going to have to be Boonen in the skirt because it's my analogy.


(Kris in my analogy)

At any rate on Monday's run we were talking about Andy Gell's 24-hour rim-to-rim-to-rim Grand Canyon hike (awesome job btw) and we decided to launch into a special birthday session of ripping on Kris. It go out of hand pretty quickly but went something like this:
Alex: But Kris remembers when the grand canyon was just a stream and it only took a few minutes to cross back and forth
Kris: No, there was always a canyon. It was just a lot smaller back then.
Ryan: Ha! Remember when Kris and God made that shit in like 6 days
Kris: Man, we were so wasted that night!
Ryan: Ha! Kris was God's first friend on Facebook.


What? Yeah I don't know that shit just kinda happens when we run. Like earlier this month this happened when Tank and I were driving back from Philly and I called Ryan:
Alex: Ryan, I got a new term
: Hit me.
Alex: When a girl is so unattractive that you can't stop staring at her - car crash ugly.
Ryan: Car Crash. I like it. C squared.
Alex: Ha, C squared perfect.
Tank: C squared? A squared plus B squared?
Ryan: Hypotenuse?
Sometimes things like this just happen when great minds like ours get together. That's why this is such a great mannschaft. Mannschaft you ask? Well get out your handy English-German dictionary and look it up - it's German for team. Yes it is. Check if you want. Mannschaft. Use it.
Willkommen auf mannschaft TWSS!
While I'm just throwing nonsense up here I have to give props to Brennan and his huge mannschaft. First he drops a cold, heartless, field crushing 2:42:01 at the national marathon. Then he writes a mini-novel about it during which he drops this great bit of marathons-gone-mainstream hating:
I have always been against marathons. I didn't understand the point of them and found [them] to be too trendy. If I was going to race, I wanted to race; not run an event.
Well, there's nothing trendy about smoking all but 16 of 2,052 finishers. That's gangsta. You know why? Brennan didn't ask any questions. He just went out and did it. And as I saw in this great interview right before the 2008 Grammies with Lil' Wayne - that's just how it's done:
Katie Kouric: If you could ask president Bush one question about Hurricane Katrina, what would it be?
Lil' Wayne: *shakes his head* I'm a gangsta, and gangstas don't ask questions
No, we don't.

This whole post is actually one huge apology for the fact I "involuntarily" slapped Kris on the face on Monday when he told me he's 37. My bad.


  1. BEST post in months! You pretty much summed up the past couple of weeks. Tear it up this weekend.

  2. great post. except for the bit about the skirt (in which my thighs look awesome by the way).