That being said, I love reading 'em. Here are the dozen best texts I found from the Halloween weekend:
- (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
- (919): Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
- (708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
- (954): you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
- (252): I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
- (570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
- (571): Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
- (614): Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
- (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
- (617): The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
- (914): I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
- (425): Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
- (917): just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
- (419): i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And another one for Dr. K, Jum and Mel:
- (224): U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And just a few more to get you through the workday:
- 425): You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
- (215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
- (813): you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
- (786): I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
- (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanks for reading. Enjoy the nice fall weather!