All I want to do is drink beer and train like an animal.
- Rod Dixon

I'm feeling rough. I'm feeling raw. I'm in the prime of my life.
- MGMT


Odds and Ends: 12 Best Halloween Posts From TextsFromLastNight

Cholesterol, obesity, drug use, free climbing - all these are things that reduce your life expectancy. And while it may be more of a correlation than a cause I'm pretty sure that if anything you text ends up on TextsFromLastNight there's a better-than-average chance you're going to wind up dead in a gutter. Or at least in detox.

That being said, I love reading 'em. Here are the dozen best texts I found from the Halloween weekend:

  • (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  • (919): Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.

  • (708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.

  • (954): you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.

  • (252): I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.

  • (570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

  • (571): Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.

  • (614): Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?

  • (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory

  • (617): The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.

  • (914): I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man

  • (425): Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And to keep things loosely related to sports here are two more I found. I'm assuming one was from the NYC marathon:

  • (917): just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

  • (419): i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike

And another one for Dr. K, Jum and Mel:

  • (224): U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.

And just a few more to get you through the workday:

  • 425): You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

  • (215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

  • (813): you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table

  • (786): I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
  • (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

Thanks for reading. Enjoy the nice fall weather!

2 comments:

  1. One of the greatest websites ever. If only cell phones were more popular when ..

    (608) Yeah, he was riding around the capitol naked. Against traffic. The cops saw him and went "fuck that." Kept driving.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous2:18 PM

    Great website! Check out www.randomcreepyguy.com though - pretty funny :)

    ReplyDelete